Stop trying to find yourself. Create the woman you want to be.

2013- Happy Family from Taking Action

Friday, July 29, 2011

Divide and Conquer- Family Night Variations

A few weeks ago my kids wanted to see their "instructor" in an upcoming MMA tournament. Or rather, the boys wanted to go, the girls don't take Jiu Jitsu class. I decided that we would initiate our first ever boys and girls night out. My husband took the two boys to the tournament while the two girls and I settled in for Spaghetti, homemade brownies and 2 Redbox movies.

This may not seem like much but my two girls, ages 12 and 7, cannot stand each other. Every car trip is a headache. Even 5 minutes is an argument or consistent name calling. I allowed them to each pick a movie and then we settled in with our food for the night. The surprising thing is that the oldest actually sat through (and liked) the movie that the younger one picked out. AND they didn't argue the whole time. Almost four straight hours with no complaining. It was wonderful.

The deduction, other than loving having time with my girls, is that girls/boys night will become a regular monthly thing. While regular family nights are important, getting two siblings of the same sex to bond on their own time is essential also. This can be difficult for those with families larger than average family of four.

Set aside some time to divide and conquer sibling rivalry so that you can come together as a whole at a later time. Get creative, it doesn't have to cost a bunch of money. Our Redbox and dinner was less than $10. Get to know your kids again and help them learn about each other.

Most of all, HAVE FUN!!

What are your favorite things to do with your kids?

Friday, July 22, 2011

Life Changing Series- Starting Over

"Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." --George Bernard Shaw

Image: graur codrin /

When was the moment you realized that you hated the world? Or maybe it was a case of the world hating you? I remember the day I realized that the only emotions I ever felt any more were those of hate, anger and disgust. That was the day I looked in the mirror and stared into the eyes of a woman I didn't recognize. It was the same face that had stared back at me for my 30+ years. But something was different. Ahhh, yes. There was no joy, no happiness, only the shell of a woman.

The question was why?
I had four beautiful children who only occasionally tried to kill each other, a roof over my head, a husband who worked to support us and my health. Where had the spark gone? Why did I dread getting out of bed in the morning and count the hours until my kids would go to bed at night? Why did I dread dinner time and spend my days in constant frustration?

Reality Check
The answer was staring back at me in that mirror. What had become was what I had created. My current position in life, from my weight issues to my relationship with my husband and my children were all a direct correlation to every decision I had made in life up until that moment.

I am NOT a Victim
Sure, I could have allowed myself to wallow in self-pity and say that it was all the stress of having four children at home that made me eat. Or that my husband didn't help around the house enough. I wasn't appreciated for how much I did do. It was never enough. And for a while I whined about all those things. Do you know where it got me? Deeper in depression, a messier house, crankier kids, deeper in debt and a wider gap in my marriage. Hmmm, as Dr.Phil would say "How's that working for you?" So while I was gazing at this stranger in the mirror I realized that being a victim was slowly killing me and destroying my family. THIS was the turning point in my life.

Changing Your Life is All in Your Head
Before you can change your life you have to have this "lightbulb" or "come to Jesus" moment. You can't change your habits or anything about your life long term until you have the conscious shift in your mind that you are going to become the person you want to be and leave behind the person you were. This isn't about "finding yourself" it is about creating the life that you want and becoming the woman you want to be. Trust me, you only think you want to be that young and vivacious twenty-something.

In short:
  • Put up or shut up
  • Pee or get off the pot
  • Put on your big girl panties
There's nothing that anyone else can do for you until you are ready to change yourself. It's not about changing your kids or your husband. The only person that you can force to change is yourself. Once you have done that, the rest will fall into place.

What was the turning point in your life? Did this post inspire your midnight epiphany?