When was the moment you realized that you hated the world? Or maybe it was a case of the world hating you? I remember the day I realized that the only emotions I ever felt any more were those of hate, anger and disgust. That was the day I looked in the mirror and stared into the eyes of a woman I didn't recognize. It was the same face that had stared back at me for my 30+ years. But something was different. Ahhh, yes. There was no joy, no happiness, only the shell of a woman.
The question was why?
I had four beautiful children who only occasionally tried to kill each other, a roof over my head, a husband who worked to support us and my health. Where had the spark gone? Why did I dread getting out of bed in the morning and count the hours until my kids would go to bed at night? Why did I dread dinner time and spend my days in constant frustration?
The answer was staring back at me in that mirror. What had become was what I had created. My current position in life, from my weight issues to my relationship with my husband and my children were all a direct correlation to every decision I had made in life up until that moment.
I am NOT a Victim
Sure, I could have allowed myself to wallow in self-pity and say that it was all the stress of having four children at home that made me eat. Or that my husband didn't help around the house enough. I wasn't appreciated for how much I did do. It was never enough. And for a while I whined about all those things. Do you know where it got me? Deeper in depression, a messier house, crankier kids, deeper in debt and a wider gap in my marriage. Hmmm, as Dr.Phil would say "How's that working for you?" So while I was gazing at this stranger in the mirror I realized that being a victim was slowly killing me and destroying my family. THIS was the turning point in my life.
Changing Your Life is All in Your Head
Before you can change your life you have to have this "lightbulb" or "come to Jesus" moment. You can't change your habits or anything about your life long term until you have the conscious shift in your mind that you are going to become the person you want to be and leave behind the person you were. This isn't about "finding yourself" it is about creating the life that you want and becoming the woman you want to be. Trust me, you only think you want to be that young and vivacious twenty-something.
- Put up or shut up
- Pee or get off the pot
- Put on your big girl panties
There's nothing that anyone else can do for you until you are ready to change yourself. It's not about changing your kids or your husband. The only person that you can force to change is yourself. Once you have done that, the rest will fall into place.
What was the turning point in your life? Did this post inspire your midnight epiphany?