They Don't Make Them Like They Use To

A century ago couples married for life. The word divorce was rarely an option. That has transformed into the current state of at least half of all married couple getting divorced. What happened? Simply put; they don't make them like they use to. I'm not anti-divorce, anything but. Been there, done that. It does sadden me that there are many couples that concentrate solely on the wedding and not on addressing their future together. Some even have the thought process that "oh let's do it and if it doesn't work then we'll just get divorced". What?!?

As someone who lasted a mere year the first time and just passed her 14th wedding anniversary this time I have one thing to say. You have to work at it. Not only does it take adjusting to living with someone else, it takes learning to adjust as you both change and grow over the years. Love and marriage are not about the butterfly feelings. Those come and go like the rise and fall of the tides. Love in marriage is a decision. It's about learning to grow and change together. It's about deciding to stick with him/her through it all.

I'm not saying be a doormat. Simply learn the art of compromise and communication. Learn that if something isn't working you can't change your spouse but you can change yourself. On the same note, feel free to express love for them and tell them what they can do for you to make you feel loved.  Never feel ashamed to convey your feelings. If communication has fallen to the wayside then consider starting things up with daily 10 minute talks or a scheduled date night.

If you are truly disconnected then I recommend the books The Love Dare (from the movie Fireproof) and The 5 Love Languages. These are biblical based but have some very important life lessons in changing your heart and influencing change over your loved one. I loved The 5 Love Languages. It taught me about what actions or words people perceive as love. I am currently reading The Love Dare and it is teaching me a great deal about myself as well as what it means to truly love someone.

What do you do to make your other half feel loved?

Treading Water

As I sit and read through blogs of women older than myself, those in their 40s or 50s, I find a bit of a pattern developing. Those that no longer have young children at home, and some that do, are talking of how wonderful their lives are now that they've come through their divorce. They aren't saying that their divorce was wonderful, just that they are currently happier than they were in marriage.

Is that the way of it now? That you raise your kids then bail? Not on your kids of course. Yes, I'm rambling. When did it become acceptable to leave a 20 year marriage because the kids are finally grown? I don't know what went on in these marriages and it is none of my business. What is my business is what happens in my marriage. We celebrated our anniversary last week. 14 years. It came and went as often it does. We have become complacent and after reading one more blog about a woman succeeding at being single and 40 or 50 I decided that I had had enough. Enough of going through the motions of simply making it through the day. Enough of discussing the children but not each others hopes and dreams.

Every day is a gift. What if you were told that you had 30 days to live? Would you do the same thing you do everyday? Would you wait for your spouse or your children to say I love you? Would you wait to take that camping trip or to visit that national monument that you've always wanted to see? Make every moment count. Tell your family what they mean to you and start working together to create the bond you once had.

What is holding you back?